In her 2008 Harvard Commencement address, J.K. Rowling stated, “We do not need magic to transform our world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: We have the power to imagine better.”
Long before Rowling created the magical world we’ve come to love, I’ve imagined myself changing the world by defending the weak against anyone who would hurt them. I suppose that’s one reason I was drawn to the Harry Potter. I saw young Harry, imprisoned under the stairs at Privet Drive in his own personal hell, hidden from the eyes of anyone who cared. I wanted to crash in, wand blazing, rescuing Harry, and cursing the Durselys into oblivion. (After all, we’re talking about a fictional world.)
In the real world, I imagine myself rescuing children in trouble. And I am most haunted by children sexually abused in the home. [i]
Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people’s places
Over the years, I’ve studied the problem. And in doing so, I have found the worst form of intrafamilial sexual abuse: big brother preying on younger children.[ii] Even experts don’t want to look at the problem of sibling abuse although it may be the most common form of incest
Jo offers this challenge …
… those who choose not to empathise enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy
What can I do? In my mind, I’ve learned that the entire family system conspires against the child victim. Parents are absent – physically, emotionally, or both. The home essentially runs wild. Older siblings dominate and exploit the younger children. And under the worst scenario, the parents relinquish their authority to the big brother, appointing him as the victim’s babysitter. And that’s when the nightmare plays out.
Can I imagine the sufferings of the victim? Can I stop it? I cannot intervene as a physician, teacher, social worker, social scientist, psychologist, or policewoman. I cannot force academics to conduct and publish more studies. I cannot force families to report these crimes, when they, in fact, set the scene for the abuse. I cannot randomly crash through doors, wand blazing, rescuing kids from under the stairs. And most of all I can’t force parents to be loving and good.
Cashwell, C. S. (1997 October). Adolescent Sex Offenders: Identification and Intervention Strategies. Journal of Mental Health Counseling , HTML full text.
National Center for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. (n.d.). Child Sex Abuse. Retrieved 2010 22-January from National Center for PTSD: http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/child-sexual-abuse.asp
Phillips-Green, M. J. (2002). Sibling Incest. The Family Journal , 195 (10), 195-202.
Rowling, J. (2008 йил 5-June). The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination. From Harvard Magazine: http://harvardmagazine.com/commencement/the-fringe-benefits-failure-the-importance-imagination
Rowntree, M. (2007). Responses to Sibling Sexual Abuse: Are They as Harmful as the Abuse? Australian Social Work , 60 (3), 347 -361.
Salter, A. C. (2003). Predators, Pedophiles, Rapists and Other Sex Offenders. New York, NY: Basic Books.
[i] An estimated 30 percent of child molesters are related to their victims. Strangers account for 10 percent of child abuse perpetrators. Unrelated acquaintances make up 60 percent of the offenders.
[ii] Researchers believe that adolescents commit between 38 percent and 60 percent of all sex offenses
A truly horrific reality (any form of sexual abuse) for far too many; me included. I came out of a place believing I was alone in this horror, only to discover later in life that I was far from alone. And JKR had it right that those who do not empathize, enable. The deafening silence on this issue is perhaps the most tragic form of collusion. Perhaps one voice (yours, mine, others) reaching on person can make a difference for one child (or adult survivor).
ReplyDeleteNancy, you revealed that your story inspired this bit of research. Thank you so much for your acknowledgement. There are many other stories out there to tell -- some that hit closer to my own experience. As for now, I don't have the words. Maybe you can tell my story. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you wrote this Lisa! The amazing thing to me is how these things can happen even in happy homes, where parents are loving and devoted, and STILL it can happen. And despite knowing everything that is happening to them is wrong, the child/teenager is still unable to speak out. Everyone thinks their family is immune. Everyone thinks Oh it would never happen in MY family. Think again. This is happening every day in the world and many times these kids are forced to interact with their abuser, briefly or regularly, for the rest of their lives! Did you guys see Monsoon Wedding by any chance? Brilliant portrayal. -A
ReplyDeleteI never saw that movie, but it sounds interesting. Thanks for posting a comment.
ReplyDeleteMy understanding is that most child abuse is "in house". A very dear friend of mine was abused for years by her older brother and she never really confronted it until she was around 40 years old and with counselling. Her teen years were sexually confusing, her own sexual identity was confused as well. She, with professional help, confronted her brother, parents and let the secret out. I don't believe it helped with family relationships but it has helped her be who she is. This girl came from a lovely and decent family with a hovering mother - and it still happened. She's been remarkably brave and candid about it - blows me away.
ReplyDeleteCathy - Weird One
Rent it if you can. My mom said the lead male actor's reactions at the end were exactly how my dad reacted when our story came out and our uncle was ejected from our home.
ReplyDeleteI'll check it out for sure. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteCathy, I so much would want to see more people speak out, as your friend has. The more we know about the dynamics -- even in good families -- the closer we are to protecting kids. Thanks for commenting.
ReplyDeleteThis is something everyone should be more vocal about. I know many people who have been abused cannot speak, or are not ready to speak. That should give everyone else an extra boom to their voice.
ReplyDeleteAs an educator, I have to approach these subjects delicately, or sometimes "through the back door". Sometimes I have to avoid them altogether. I don't always like doing that, but sometimes it is the only appropriate way. I get a little disheartened when kids openly dimiss the subject because they are disgusted by it. A natural reaction, to be sure, but victims and survivors need to know that they are not alone, and that people like me can be part of a support system. I feel as though the more we openly reject it, the less chance it has to take place privately. Am I wrong? Maybe. I don't know. It just seems like fighting evil with love, openly, and from all angles, is always the best way to go about things. Maybe I've read Harry Potter too many times.
I would like to know ways in which to reach out to kids without crossing boundaries or causing unwanted hurt and exposure (all of this from a teacher's reach).
Thanks for the blog - it's wonderful. I'm an insant fan (as I said on MyLeaky)
xo
Hollie (Smitch)